A recent Father's day activity at a day care facility created a great opportunity to share this next post with you all.
They created Hooked on Daddy keepsakes for the children to present to their fathers when they were picked up today. Here are a few pictures of the keepsakes they made with just some drawing paper and washable Crayola Kid Paint. To their Fathers, I have no doubt they were all priceless masterpieces.
The activity reminded me of the times when I went fishing with my step-father in Galveston Bay, Texas. I think I was about six or seven. It sticks in my mind because it was the day that I caught the ugliest fish I had ever seen. I know my dad must have been laughing his heart out on the inside after the struggle I had landing what I knew had to be a prized trophy fish.
I was using an old Zebco closed face reel that to me seemed to only be good for creating bird's nests. It always got hung up on the crud that dwells on the bottom of the Bay. I learned my first lesson on why trash cans are located on the banks of fishing areas. I also learned that humans apparently thought throwing stuff in the Bay was much easier than throwing it in the trash can about five yards away. Any way, there I was with my rod almost doubled over. My eyes were big as walnuts as I tried my best not to lose my balance and end up with all the trash. And then, success. I never would have dreamed fish would look like this one. I thought it had suffered from radiation poison or more likely been weaned on several barrels of West Texas Intermediate crude oil dumped by some of the barges lightering some of their bilge bottoms. My step-father said he thought it was a dog fish. If it was, I thought, it must have been hit by an ugly stick.
I found
a picture of a dog fish online and it was a species of shark. This did
not look even remotely like a shark. These two are the closest
pictures I could come up with. At left is a Snakehead fish, at right is what someone wrote was a Red Irish Lord. Make it more slender and that was it. I think you get the picture. Naturally, I wouldn't even take it off the hook. But, my step-father took it in stride and called it "bait."
Father's and sons going fishing are opportunities to bond and explore. They are also opportunities for fathers to share the Gospel with their sons. I pulled a bunch of Scriptures that I could have posted. The Scripture about becoming fishers of men seemed perfect. Matthew 4:18-20
18 Now as Jesus was walking by the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers, Simon who was called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea ; for they were fishermen. 19 And He said to them, "Follow * Me, and I will make you fishers of men." 20 Immediately they left their nets and followed Him.
And then a friend of mine passed on a YouTube video that literally brought tears to my eyes when I heard it. I will post it here for you to enjoy. (Click on the link if you have trouble seeing the video God Loves to Talk to Little Boys While They're Fish'in).
Fathers, enjoy your time with your sons, raise them in the way they should go and they will not depart from it when they reach that age when they prefer to make their own decisions.
A friend recently asked for my advice, ideas, and help in dealing with a six-year old child’s problem with stuttering. “Wow! Poor child, especially if those adults involved are trying to deal with the problem by using the misinformation available in the public Internet domain,” I thought.
Painful Memories
My mind flashed back to me in my 6th grade Reading class room, embarrassed with eyes beginning to tear up, as my insensitive, imbecilic teacher demanded that I read the next paragraph of a story we all were reading out loud in class. “Don’t help him!” he said to a student behind me who tried to read on my behalf. I was thankful that I had students around me who tried to help me through my troubles. I have read many, many stories of stuttering children being the object of ridicule and teasing.
“We will wait all class if we have to, but he will read it by himself,” my Reading teacher said coldly. Still, I could not get the first word out of my eleven year old mouth.
Everyone takes the word I was having trouble with for granted, “The,” but it was the most difficult word for me to say in the world at the time. Out of my mouth, it became “ThThThThThThTh.” I could not close the word with the long “e” sound.
I was unable to get past that first word before the end of the class came.
In Spanish class that same year, our teacher told us that we could not say anything in English and that the only way we could answer the attendance was by saying “Presente,” Spanish for ”Present.” It tried it once or twice, but I could not get the word out.
After getting chewed out a couple of times for not following her rules, I remembered a little of the Spanish I had remembered from growing up. As the teacher called the attendance all students dutifully answered the way they were supposed to. When my name was called, I shocked her and every student in the class by saying, “Aqui,” which is “Here” in English. She held me after class and I explained that if she wanted me to answer in Spanish I had to answer the way I did because I simply could not say the word she wanted me to say. That is the way I answered attendance from that day forward in Spanish class.
The next year, seventh grade, the Reading teacher chose to classify my stuttering as a reading deficiency and placed me in a remedial reading class. He evidently did not care that I was in all accelerated classes. He thought I lacked reading ability and comprehension. He misread my stuttering by thinking I was trying to sound out words as an early childhood reader would. I suffered through my stuttering problem for another year. Then, my eighth grade teacher recognized that my reading speed and comprehension had inexplicably increased so much that she quickly had me placed back into an accelerated reading class.
There is Hope for Recovery
By the ninth grade though, I had completely controlled my speech such that I successfully addressed a six hundred student filled auditorium. Indeed, I had students standing and cheering in the aisles for me after one of my speeches. I became a student leader, President of my class, class favorite and president of many extracurricular clubs. After graduating college, my job required me to give presentations to corporate executives and boards. I became an executive interviewer and a high school mathematics teacher which required my speaking constantly all day long.
How I Conquered My Stuttering Problems
What happened to me? What did I do to become a silver-tongued devil that could have stood in for Johnny Carson or Jack Parr?
After I was humiliated by my Reading and Spanish teachers, I learned what I am about to disclose to you about what I did to overcome stuttering. Sure, when I let happen to me what I know now that caused my stuttering, I find myself on the fringes of stuttering now and then. But, I simply practice what has become normal for me and I’m OK. My hope is that sharing what I did for myself may help someone out there struggling with the same problem.
What the Research Says is not Very Helpful
In my research about the affliction I learned some facts that I did not know, and it would not have done me much good to know them had I learned of them earlier. In fact almost none of what I learned about what the so called experts said or prescribed would have helped me. Here are some facts I learned that were interesting, but not very helpful:
Stuttering affects about four percent of children.
Stuttering generally develops between the ages of two and five.
Stuttering occurs four times more often in boys than in girls.
Girls are more likely than boys to outgrow stuttering.
Between 75% and 80% of all children who begin stuttering will stop within 12 to 24 months.
Almost half of all children who stutter have a family member who stutters.
Some people say that stuttering starts with a major humiliating or highly emotional episode similar to what I experienced. Perhaps there is some truth in that. But I don’t think those events are the root cause. In my case, I cannot recall stuttering much in my early school grades. In fact, I think I spoke quite well even though English was my second language.
In second grade I remember being in a school play. My role was that of the narrator. I opened and closed the play and provided the audience with some background information now and then during the play. That is a pretty hefty role for a six year old to play. Speaking to a cafeteria of parents did not seem to bother me. I did many things right instinctively, like wait for the audience to stop talking before I started talking. Even though I was cued to talk, I did not try to talk over the audience. My teacher gave me a pat on the back for recognizing that I couldn’t be heard above the noise they were making.
Mainly a Mind Problem
So, what happened to me during the time between six and fourteen years of age? What went on in my mind during that time? I said the word “mind,” because that is the only place I could think of where the source of my stuttering came from. It was not a physical thing that could have been surgically corrected. I didn’t have a malformed larynx.
I know now that my home environment was probably the root cause of my stuttering problem. So, I will try to describe the environment I remember to give readers a reference against which they can compare their environment.
Examine the Environment
I had a three year old brother and a six year old sister when my mother married my step-father. Prior to the marriage, our mother tongue was Spanish. But, I had forgotten most of my Spanish by the time I entered first grade having gone to nursery school for a year just before my mother and step-father married. My mother and brother and sister and I moved into my step-father’s house to a new neighborhood across town. I would describe the neighborhood as middle class suburban. The three bedroom, one bathroom, one car garage was palatial compared to our old house. None of the houses sat on cinder blocks like the house in the barrios from which we moved. I did not know anyone in the neighborhood, and they all only spoke English.
My step-father and mother went through an adoption proceeding when I turned six so that my last name would be the same as my step-father’s last name. My new last name was seven letters longer than my original last name. I could not pronounce the name much less spell it, though eventually I did indeed learn to spell it.
I stayed in the house mostly, as it took some time before I developed any neighborhood friends beyond my school classmates. Inside communication always seemed emotional and fast-paced. My step-father did not really say much, perhaps because of a naturally meek character and because he left the parenting up to my mother. Mother was pretty domineering. But, with a new baby and three very young children in the family, anything that came up in conversations had to be dealt with quickly and with finality. Speaking with authority and rapidly became her communicating style. There was a great deal of chaos, whining and crying in the house.
Still, I do not remember stuttering during that time. A year or so after my younger brother was born, the family made another move to a new neighborhood. My mother’s attention was enormously split, and I again knew nobody in the neighborhood. I was in fifth grade with a relatively small social circle, and I still do not remember stuttering during that time period.
Then I experienced some tremendous environmental changes outside of the house. I transitioned from elementary school to middle school. Elementary school children are much more socially sheltered than middle school children as they only have one class of 20-25 school children each day. Increasing the number of classes from one to seven from one year to the next increased my social situation by a factor of seven as well. Mother also had a nervous breakdown and the family had to do without her abilities or skills.
Imperfect Communication Skills
My brothers and sister and I did not have the communication and negotiating skills to make decisions and solve problems ourselves; there was a vacuum of authority. We would talk rapidly, as we had to when speaking with our mother, but we resorted to talking over each other becoming emotional when we could not resolve problems. This resulted in many arguments and bad communication habits. The Root of My Stuttering Problem
I noticed my stuttering problem after starting sixth grade in my final months as a ten year old. I think the bad communication habits developed in our house coupled with the rather large increase in my social environment reduced my self-confidence. Therein, lays the root of my stuttering problem. Since I had little or no control of my environmental factors, stuttering became a mind problem.
Partial Remedy: Word/Sound Substitution
One of the things that a stutter can and does do to compensate for stuttering is to recognize their most troublesome words and avoiding those words. I realized rather quickly that I had tremendous problems with words that began with predominately hard consonants though words like “the” and “that” or “When” and How” were problems as well. I also had trouble with words that began with “st,” such as “still” or “steak.” I had few problems with those words, however, if they did not begin a sentence. So, if the sentence started with a vowel or a word that started with a vowel once I established a speaking pace, I was OK for the whole sentence. If the next sentence started with troubling consonant, however, I stuttered again.
Many who stutter being sentences with an “A’” when the first word starts with a hard consonant. For example, they would say, “Athe” or “AQuickly.” The “a” sounds more like “uh.” Those wanting to help someone who stutters can begin by helping them figure out which words they can say without compensating and what kinds of compensating strategies will help them deal with their more troublesome words. Do not however, make them engage in oral exercises practicing the very word that give them trouble. Workarounds Hide But Do Not Solve Stuttering Problems
I figured out compensating strategies on my own because I tried to hide my stuttering problems, I did not know anyone well enough to seek their assistance or to trust them enough to help me. Breathing is Out of Sync
Any speaking requires your breathing out. The breath goes over the vocal chords to become sound waves. I also found that most stuttering words were those that required more breathing out to say. This included the words “hi,” “how,” “the,” “that,” “who,” “what,” “where,” “when,” or “why.” So, stuttering was influenced with the breathing when a word was said. I often felt out of breath when I was stuttering.
I had no problem with any words if I sang them regardless of the type of letter with which they began. It took me a while to figure out a work-around the breathing problem. The singing was my clue. I realized that singing involved a consistent pace and pattern. Also, everyone sings at the same pace and pattern and nobody interrupts you when you sing. That last observation, “interruption,” was my last clue.
Interrupting Someone Can Trigger Stuttering Bouts
I realized that I had to regulate my speaking in such a way as to breathe regularly, establish and maintain a consistent pace and pattern, and not be interrupted. I became very aware of these variables and I sought to control them. I found that I could not control them as well when engaged in an argument or when the communication setting was in a heightened emotional state of mind. That placed the burden of controlling my speaking pace and pattern not only on me, but also on those with whom I was communicating.
How Others Speak to You Has a Major Impact
It is for this that I disagree completely with some of the so called authoritative researchers of stuttering. One thing that I think that is absolutely wrong is their counsel to mothers and fathers that their son’s or daughter’s stuttering is not their fault. This is wrong and designed to soothe feelings of guilt, sell books and justify the cost of speech pathologists and therapists. Mothers and fathers, as well as everyone else with whom someone who stutters speaks play a major role in the degree and duration of the stuttering.
Want to Help Someone Who Stutters?
Do not tell them to slow down.
You might try to speak a little more slowly
Do not excite them
Do not give them the impression that they have to talk fast to you.
Speak one at a time
Let them speak as fast or slow as they want.
Let them finish what they are saying
Try not to interrupt.
Do not try to complete their sentences.
Build their confidence and trust.
A Stutterer May Withdraw and Lose Self-Confidence or Self-Esteem The hectic communicating environment in our home convinced me of this. Everyone was always speaking over each other, never one at a time, and it was always in an argumentative or emotional manner because they each wanted to be heard and to have their own way. I lost self-confidence in my being heard and I developed an extreme dislike for arguing about anything. This lack of self-confidence in being heard spilled over into my social environment outside of the family. I also began to withdraw from my own family.
Between seventh and eighth grade, I took a summer speed reading course which seemed to not just boost my reading speed and comprehension, but it also boosted my self-confidence. I seemed to be able to think more quickly on my feet and to identify and verbalize sentence punctuation more quickly. This enabled me to present or argue better and to develop patterns in reading and saying sentences. The art of speaking and writing kind of merged in my mind.
At school or at home, I resolved much of my stuttering problem by implementing word substitution strategies and by making sure conversations I held with anyone were as they were supposed to be, one person speaking at a time, and without interruption unless absolutely necessary. I also slowed down my speaking speed dramatically and filled it with punctuation pauses and breathing opportunities. Even if I was interrupted or if I interrupted while speaking, proper manners and etiquette was maintained. For example, I would almost always ask a person interrupting me to let me please finish or politely ask to interrupt by asking for permission, or to politely apologize for the interruption.
They created Hooked on Daddy keepsakes for the children to present to their fathers when they were picked up today. Here are a few pictures of the keepsakes they made with just some drawing paper and washable Crayola Kid Paint. To their Fathers, I have no doubt they were all priceless masterpieces.
